DAY 47: Hostage

There’s a strong rule in the “dieting guide book” which refers to sleeping on a full stomach.  We’ve all heard the reasoning of your body’s unwillingness to digest a heavy meal; it’s much healthier to relieve the stomach of any burden before hibernation.  In fact, “eating before sleeping” is a cardinal sin, metamorphosing the body into a giant marshmallow.

With the fear of gaining weight buried within my subconscious, I decided to abstain from my mother-in-law’s Greek shortbread and retire for the evening with a glass of cold water, and a palm-full of sunflower seeds.

Submerged within a cloud of cotton and fleece, I surrendered my final minutes to the android on my nightstand, surfing through any last bit of news from the YouTube channel.  What seized my attention was the trailer for a 2008 Irish history documentary titled Hostage. In an instant flash, I was transported back to a comment I once made out of sheer desperation, to resolve my morbid obesity.  I often hoped for my own hostage drama, where a group of abductors would kidnap me, provide one meal of bread and water (daily), and isolate me from the world until such time I could emerge as a handsome runway model. 

But the real world reminds me that I am a hostage to another captor which continues to interrogate me.

I woke up in the middle of the night, listening to the grumbling chorus of The Three Tenors.  After a long-term absence, Hansel and Gretel returned to the scene reminding me that assistance was needed; an awful unmelodiousness emerged from my stomach, pleading persistently to be comforted by the joys of Greek shortbread or any high calorie treat.

I deliberated on the thought of fulfilling their deceitful desires until I closed my eyes and resumed my sleeping programme.

Friday has once again graced us with its presence.  There’s a cheerful aura in the workplace as my colleagues gear up for a long weekend; Monday will see the start of Lent, and most of Cyprus will head to the coast for a celebratory barbeque of grilled fish, fried honey balls drenched in syrup, and competitive games involving kite flying.

Green Monday inspires the faithful to embark on a forty-day abstinence of meat and dairy products.  The thought of eliminating two vital ingredients from my already deprived programme, has encouraged a new hostage drama; hopefully this year, I will see positive results.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.  For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com