It
is with great sadness that my work colleagues and I bid farewell, to one of the
greatest ‘ornaments’ in our office.
Mr. Goldfish passed away tragically this morning as his owner attempted
to empty the water from his fish tank.
The unfortunate passing of our beloved pet has inspired me to write an
obituary, as we say goodbye to our colourful friend…
Mr. Goldfish, 4
months
Former pet
shop resident Mr. Goldfish, 4 months, died June 21, 2013, at his home in Pafos,
Cyprus.
A service was
held on Friday at the Fisher Funeral Home in Pafos. The burial took place at
the Toilet Bowl Cemetary, in the men’s bathroom.
Mr. Goldfish
was born March 21, 2013, in the United States, to the pet shop owners on Kennedy
Avenue.
He graduated
from the “Animal Planet Pet Shop” three months after. He was ‘legally’ adopted
by his owner on June 1, 2013, in Pafos, Cyprus.
He came to Cyprus
in 2013 after working as a potential stunt double in Disney’s upcoming “Nemo”
sequel, “Finding Dorey.”
Dismissed by
the studios after failing to meet the requirements stipulated in his contract, Mr.
Goldfish was expelled from his school to a life abroad, hoping to gain working
experience in Europe; the unfortunate mishandling of his travel arrangements by
his agent, led him to the shores of Aphrodite where he worked his talents as a
model at one of Pafos’ leading pet shops.
Luring
shoppers into the store, Mr. Goldfish won the attention of his owner by swimming
closely towards the boundaries of the fish tank and flaunting his modeling expertise.
A short drive
from the pet shop to his new residence, offered Mr. Goldfish a sense of hope
for the future; finally, someone was going to give him the attention he
deserved...
Mr. Goldfish
had lived at the “Animal Planet Pet Shop” for three months when he moved to his
final residence in 2013.
In seclusion,
he spent countless hours hitting his head against the miniature fish tank, or
dodging the artificial tree placed in his new surrounding by his owner. He often mistook the artificial tree as a form
of food, suffering psychologically from the false pretences of this new world.
His owner
announced: “Mr. Goldfish’s talents were an inspiration to all my work
colleagues. He lived his life with flair and bravery. His final trip down the toilet bowl was an
inspiration to us all.”
The owner was
dismissed on all charges of murder, following his plea of “not guilty,” made by the company’s lawyers, on his behalf.
Mr. Goldfish
is survived by his brothers and sisters, swimming the waters of pet shops
around the world.
Fisher Funeral
Home was in charge of the arrangements.
Weight
for me soon. Paul
Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com
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