DAY 19: Fallen Hero?

I am finding it difficult to absorb the distressing news surrounding Oscar Pistorius – South Africa’s Olympic and Paralympic icon.  Without sounding dated, Oscar Pistorius appeared early this morning at the Pretoria Magistrate’s Court to face charges of murder; the court denying his bail claiming Pistorius had premeditated the murder of his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp.

Pistorius made history in London last year when he became the first double-amputee track athlete to compete in the Olympic Games as well as the Paralympic Games.

In 2008 I was involved in a near-fatal accident which left me paralysed for six months; at the time, the prospect of walking was bleak and uncertain.

It’s customary for people who have suffered an accident of this magnitude to experience a bout of self-pity – it was part of the healing process. 

Shock is the first emotion, followed by Anger.  One begins to question, and surrenders into an abyss of Sympathy. When Acceptance finally emerges, the research begins; the hunt to find something, or someone to associate and reassure.

I entered a labyrinth of motivational books, spiritual verses and hopeful autobiographies.  I searched endlessly to find an icon – a hero, who could become a symbol of hope for my recovery. And, in 2012, he entered my world in the form of Oscar Pistorius.

Oscar’s disability became a symbol of determination – to persevere and reach my goal.  In my own reality programme, I amalgamated my thoughts and ambitions, determined to succeed. After all, if Oscar could do it with no legs, imagine how much easier it would be for me to achieve my aspirations with a mere scar?

I delayed my blog today following the outcome of events.  My thoughts are distorted, and my feelings unsure.  My friends could not understand my emptiness, but I feel that all the promises I had invested were unexpectedly taken.  I’m hoping that Oscar will come through for all those who identified him as their beacon of hope.  At the deep end of the ocean, we are all waiting for that announcement, "An unfortunate mistake," but at the moment, all we can see is a fallen hero. Hopefully he will prove us wrong. 

But the reality is that Oscar has been charged, and Reeva Steenkamp is no longer with us.  And as for what really happened, I guess time will tell. 

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.  For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,

visit www.paul-lambis.com