I am
certain that most of you will recall moments of boredom, staring obliviously
into space while the Mathematics teacher went on about proving an irrelevant
theorem.
And,
no matter how passionate the teachers seemed as they scuffled from one side of
the blackboard to the other – solving another of the many equations from your stuffy
textbook, the mind would often console your disinterest, reassuring that one
would never require any future-use of this trivial subject.
But,
alas, the weekend saw me in front of the computer, arguing with an online
calorie counter. As I tallied up my
meals on the calculator, I realised that my sudden weight increase was largely
due to an oversight of calories, invading my monstrous body.
Having
ignorantly increased my recommended daily allowance to an offensive score, it
was time for a reality check as I lost myself in an article explaining the relevance
of ‘calculating’ your meals. My BMI
(Body Mass Index) screamed “morbidly obese” on the scale, encouraging the
online nutritionist to contact me for some overall advice.
It
suddenly dawned on me that ‘eating’, my favourite pastime, had become a complicated
mathematical equation – one I needed to resolve immediately. If only
I had paid more attention in Mathematics class.
After
a three-hour session, and a crash course on “sensible eating,” my online web
therapist formulated a healthy eating programme – “guaranteed to offer instant
results.” Armed with a calculator
on-hand, I embarked on a ten-day challenge to re-address my stance against
calories, and mathematics. According to
the nutritionist, a ten-day detox will “reset the clock,” and steer me in the right
direction for a long-term, healthy eating plan.
So,
it’s back to the drawing board with a reduced one thousand calories-per-day
allowance, high protein, low carbohydrate eating plan; with any luck, I should
be able to fit into my swimming trunks before resorting to Plan B: a visit to
the tailors, and enough cotton to loosen those shorts at the seam. Wish me
Luck.
Weight
for me tomorrow. Paul
Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com
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