DAY 36: Chicken Run

Getting your hands on breasts is rarely an invitation to turn down. A single chicken breast portion provides a sufficient amount of protein for the price of just one gram of saturated fat. 

So chicken it is, but if I had to tally the amount of chickens consumed in my lifetime, I would be held accountable for the murder of more than ten thousand birds; a staggering figure – one that would not appeal to my vegetarian neighbour, but certainly to the local butcher.

Overweight people have contributed to the world’s economy.  In fact, governments should be idolising us with a “World Obesity Day,” in order to pay tribute to the world’s ‘big’ spenders.  And to prove our sensitivity towards all those birds who have bravely sacrificed their lives for the overweight individual, we are prepared to erect a chicken memorial in their honour.

Today’s menu included grilled chicken coated with lemon and garlic.  I have eliminated all carbohydrate intake, hoping to shock treat the system into losing more weight.  This morning’s weight reading revealed that at my slothful pace, I will be rolling onto the stage for my upcoming performance in London.

One of the main reasons a dieter loses focus on his programme, happens to be the repetitive ritual of food included in the diet.  Poultry is considered a staple meal for every weightwatcher – hence my abduction of the species.  But unfortunately, I have reached a stage when the mere thought of a chicken dish repulses me from the dinner table, reversing the habit of a chicken run; I end up running away from the chicken as opposed to the chicken running away from me.

I’ve been on my best behaviour today, following my ‘ultimate challenge’ as strictly as possible; oats with low-fat milk for breakfast, a small fruit for the mid-morning snack, and finally a murdered chicken for lunch.

I’m beginning to think that if I devour any more birds, I’ll probably end up looking like them. 

I’ve spent most of the morning researching alternatives.  Perhaps I should introduce more roughage into my diet, replacing the bird with more greens?  Then again, an overabundance of vegetables might encourage another type of run.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.  For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com