I
am sublimating my anger so I can get my negative emotions under control, to
acquire a more constructive attitude. I've spent most of my morning trying to
keep my temper in check, but unfortunately have failed miserably at the
task.
My
wife has often suggested that I visit the local therapist to assess my anger
levels. Although I consider myself an “under-control”
type of person, my rage is constantly on standby, ready to reveal itself
without any restraint.
An
afternoon coffee session with a psychologist friend, presented me with a an
intense round of questioning:
Do
you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic?
Does
your blood pressure go through the roof when your child refuses to cooperate?
Do
you picture your boss dragged across the highway by a monstrous truck or your
mother-in-law chained to a wooden pole, burning at the stake as the crowds
chant accusations of sorcery against her?
“Anger
is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a productive
way,” he noted. “Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and
your relationship.”
As
I attempted to get my anger “under control,” I was encouraged to answer truthfully
to his anger management tips:
No.
1: Take a timeout
Counting
to 10 isn't just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few
moments to breathe deeply and count to 10.
I tried slowing down, hoping to neutralise
my temper. The pause only made matters worse as I focused entirely on the person
and situation until my frustration mushroomed. I found myself thinking of food
for emotional support.
No.
2: Once you're calm, express your anger
As
soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but
nonconfrontational way.
I stated my concerns and needs clearly
and directly, encouraging an argument and verbally insulting my opponent. I
found myself thinking of food for emotional support.
No.
3: Get some exercise
Physical
activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to
erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend
some time doing other favourite physical activities.
Physical activity stimulates various
brain chemicals that leave me feeling exhausted, frustrated and disturbed. After twenty minutes, I was planning my
revenge –turning to food for emotional support.
No.
4: Think before you speak
In
the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret.
After taking a few moments to collect my
thoughts, I reemerged with a series of verbal attacks, allowing the others to
feel defenceless. Having the final say
is simply fruitful.
No.
5: Identify possible solutions
Instead
of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand.
My child's messy room drives me crazy?
Close the door and walk away.
My wife is late for dinner every
night? Eat on a first-come-first-served basis. Latecomers should worry about
their own portions – if there are any available.
No. 6: Stick with 'I' statements
To avoid criticising or placing blame — which might only increase tension
— use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and
specific.
I’ve always
found that accusations are part of the healing process. Passing the blame onto someone else is
relevant to ensure a calmer frame of mind. In fact, it’s even funnier to pass
the blame onto someone irrelevant; watching them deny the situation is simply awe-inspiring.
No. 7: Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative
feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up
by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
Only God
forgives. Forgiving someone who angered you, makes you look weak. It’s vital to
maintain anger at all times, otherwise you may be termed a “dog with no bite,”
and this will certainly tarnish one’s image.
No. 8: Use humour to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it
can hurt feelings and make things worse.
Sarcasm and
humour go hand-in-hand. Embarrassing
your opponent, exposing their weaknesses in a humorous and rancorous tone will
not only elevate your status as a comedian, but will encourage a large
following. Branding individuals is also
a form of successful marketing – you’ll be doing them a favour.
No. 9: Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice
deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or
phrase, such as, "Take it easy."
Listening to
Hard Rock or music with explicit lyrics will assist with relaxation. Writing horrible statements in a journal and
repeating a calming word or phrase, such as “Fuck You!” will help alleviate
your anger without spending money unnecessarily on yoga or overrated spa
treatments.
No. 10: Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider
seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to
do things you regret or hurts those around you.
Exploring
local anger management classes or anger management counseling is a waste of
time. The internet is a powerful
self-help tool which offers professional advice – free of charge. If all else
fails, turn to food for emotional support.
Weight
for me soon. Paul
Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com
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