DAY 1: Monday Blues

I've decided to take control of my body.  I was thinking of the late Princess Diana who described her marriage as "overcrowded," and that's exactly how I feel.  For the past five years, it seems as though three people have been trapped into this abyss I call "Paul."  I have been trying to please all my 'guests'; grilled cheese burgers from McDonalds, a Dr Pepper from the local kiosk, and often a slice of carrot cake which justifies my vegetable intake.

I won’t disclose my starting weight at the moment.  Proper etiquette dictates that you should never ask a woman her age, so don’t ask a fat person his/her weight.  Truth is, I stood on the scale this morning and realised that it would take me a while to ‘digest’ the scale reading – I wouldn’t want to shock you on our first date.  After all, first impressions are the most important.

I drove to the local Starbucks this morning and purchased myself a flask, screaming out the coffee shop’s label.  From a psychological point-of-view, I am thinking that my diet shakes in this flask will trick my mind to thinking that it’s having a cup of White Chocolate.  As I sat on the couch savouring the smell of freshly brewed coffee, a heavy burst of rain made its appearance outside, echoing some sort of rebirth.  It was a wonderful feeling, although I could hear the voice of one of the prisoners inside me screaming, “Look at the round coffee table, it looks like a large, cheesy pizza with an anchovy topping.”

It’s almost the end of the first month of 2013, and I still have three days to go before I finalise my resolutions. One thing’s for sure – it’s the first day of a new beginning and I will invite this new burst of energy to stay with me for the week.  I am hoping that the mood will hold for the rest of the day, so I can blog successfully tomorrow that:

a)                 I was not tempted to eat carrot cake

b)                  My colleague at work sitting opposite me does not remind me of a strawberry milkshake

c)                  My fingers are not encouraging me to eat a double hot dog for lunch with enough ketchup to drown the sausages and leave its mark on my t-shirt

d)                  And that I told the three voices inside me to be prepared – it’s time to set them free.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.  I will not let the typical Monday Blues get the better of me.  I have just sent a message to all my unfriendly 'guests': “Monday is the perfect day to start your one-year diet!”

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.  

For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online, visit www.paul-lambis.com