Thursday, 31 October 2013

DAYS 258 – 273: Letter to Ellen

Dear Ellen,

My name is Paul Lambis and I am writing to you from the island of Cyprus, Europe.  Although we are unable to follow your show on any one of our local networks, I remain indebted to your website and YOUTUBE channel which highlight the wonderful things you do.  Your humility and warmth, combined with your extraordinary talent and humour are uplifting; it is during these trying times that one appreciates the importance of laughter.

I was born in Johannesburg, South Africa and relocated to Cyprus twelve years ago.  Since my arrival on the island, I have been working as a freelance writer for several local publications, and have written and produced my own theatrical plays.  In 2008, I was involved in a near-fatal car accident, which confined me to my bed for six months.  The doctors were unable to offer me any hope of walking, but my positive attitude trumped them in the end.  After an intense eighteen months of physiotherapy, I was able to stand on my own two feet, and face the world with an optimistic outlook on life. 

I was inspired to put pen-to-paper, and published my novel – an autobiography detailing my hilarious journey of contrasts, sharing my experiences and the healing powers of laughter.  What emerged from the book was a quote with which I have founded my beliefs on: “If you don’t laugh at life, life will laugh at you.”

In March this year, the financial crisis plagued the island of Cyprus, to the extent that thousands were left jobless, and those with work were forced to accept large pay cuts.  One of the sectors affected by this economic recession was the Performing Arts.  Despite our efforts to keep this industry alive, we are constantly confronted with closed doors, and often resort to scrounging outside large corporations for a small contribution.  It seems that the economic downturn has blindfolded most people from the importance of supporting the Arts.  If only people could see the significance of our industry, the professionalism and talent of its people, and what a difference theatre could make to enrich one’s own outlook on the world.  Perhaps my dream of a ‘Theatre Utopia’ might seem far-fetched, but I believe in making a difference, and I hope to be able to establish a financially-independent organisation in the near-future, that will support, provide work, encourage and expose the talent that Cyprus has to offer.

Thank you for making us laugh, and for supporting us in your own unique way.

Warm regards,

Paul Lambis

Weight for me soon. Paul


Paul Lambis has written, and will be directing the riveting war drama “74”, based on the 1974 Turkish invasion of Cyprus. He is also the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.  For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online, visit www.paul-lambis.com

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

DAYS 243 – 257: A Powerful Production



Weight for me soon. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,

visit www.paul-lambis.com

Monday, 30 September 2013

DAYS 225 – 242: Through the Director’s Eyes

As a director, one of the most daunting tasks is having to turn away a plethora of talented actors after an intense month of auditions.  When the casting call announcement was posted on the various social media sites, a flood of resumes surfaced on my desk – each one vying for a role in my upcoming war drama “74”.
As each potential candidate took to the stage, immersing themselves in their respective role, my assistant director and I realised that the proficient level of acting in Cyprus would not make the elimination process any easier.  My lengthy absence from blogging was largely due to the haunting hours spent in an enclosed part of my home, fighting through the copious evaluation forms submitted by my team of professionals.
And, after meticulous deliberation, the results were posted on Facebook amidst the jubilant cheers of the selected, and the disappointing cries of the precluded.  The marketing campaign had officially begun.

The weeks that followed saw a tide of professional emails flooding my inbox – the majority of which thanked me for the experience, and the opportunity given to them to audition for the production.  A small group of actors chose to voice their displeasure, not realising that such a response would categorise them as “avoidable”.  The level of immaturity, which is often revealed by the so-called “bad-sportsmanship”, was evident through the hidden innuendos concealed between the sentences; metaphorical figures of speech used to reveal their frustration of not being selected. 
But why should one care?  Surely Julia Roberts doesn’t call the director and blast him for his choice of another leading lady?  The acting game can easily be compared to a beauty pageant: only one winner can take the crown.
Perhaps one could ease the laws on a society which is, in my opinion, intimate? I think so; c'est la vie.

The creative juices are ripe.  I have just completed the script for a royal comedy titled “Divorced, Beheaded, Died… Divorced, Beheaded, Survived”. Based on the illustrious life of King Henry VIII, this royal comedy focuses on the Tudor king's royal appetite for the opposite sex, and the women who found themselves tangled in his lustful quest.
Prior to my explicit interpretation of Henry’s sex life, I will be directing a bio-drama based on the life of Aristotle Onassis.  Inspired by the true story of the relationships between the Promethean shipping magnate, his first wife Tina, his lover Maria Callas and second wife Jackie Kennedy, this is an extraordinary account of one man's voracious appetite for sex, money and power – how those with great wealth and political influence live their lives detached from the moral code and realities of ordinary mortals.

I’m almost certain that one would consider me a hypocrite.  I’ve babbled on about the silly innuendos implied by the agitated actors in their emails, but my overtones of sex are quite apparent in the scripts for my forthcoming dramas.  One might suggest a hint of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, but I don’t foresee any explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism.  Although, King Henry VIII’s marital indecisiveness could leave one thinking otherwise.  I’ll have to dwell on those thoughts for a while.  I’m not implying any sexual deprivation, but it’s reassuring knowing that the audience will observe everything through my eyes…

Weight for me soon. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Thursday, 12 September 2013

DAYS 219 – 224: “What you see, is what you get.”

My Facebook timeline this morning declares that my start to the day was cataclysmic. I’m not implying that a tornado whip-lashed my car to the other side of the island, but I carelessly forgot my mobile phone on the charger; communication with the outside world has now come to an unexpected halt.

I spent the first part of the day bombarding the social media sites in order to fill the void, but the fact remains that an absent phone is as torturous as being caught publicly with your pants down.  One only realises how reliant one is to this indispensable form of communication.  I’m sitting on a bed of thorns, wondering if my phone has beeped without my knowing, humming its technical tunes of Facebook and inbox alerts.  What’s even more frustrating is that I am trying to locate the numbers of two talented individuals who have agreed to work with me on my upcoming production of “74”; my absence is suggesting a hint of unprofessionalism.

The drive to school this morning had me lecturing my son, yet again, on the principles of healthy eating.  His obsession for an Adonis figure has him skipping meals and submitting to an intense workout session of cardio exercises in his bedroom.  I’m convinced that beneath his drive of image consciousness, lies an interest in the form of a female classmate.  Although my son has never openly confessed his motives, the signs of infatuation are evident from the hearts squiggled on random pieces of paper scattered throughout the house, or the late-night Skype calls which require bedroom doors closed, and a lengthy pre-session of hair styling.

The consequences of starvation were addressed briefly as I swerved the car into one of the school’s parking bays. 
“Starvation will only encourage weight-gain,” I remarked as I pointed towards the permanent cushion of flab surrounding my waist.  Admittedly, the slogan on my briefcase screaming “I beat anorexia” did not encourage my argument, and I suggested that his [my son’s] mother would be more qualified to answer any concerns relating to exercise and nutrition.
And then, in a moment of father-son bliss, the boomerang question clouted me across the face, leaving me thoughtful and bewildered.
“Is mom happy with the way you look?”
My arrogance intervened as I defended by physique by saying, “What she sees is what she gets!” 
I bid my son farewell, and spent the next few minutes absorbed in a cloud of self-judgement. 

I've always believed that one should lead by example.  I’ve often quoted these scripted words from the bible to the squad of degenerates who manage the workplace.  My maturity should force me to take a stance, for once in my life, and bolt those urges of emotional eating.  But that infamous group of people trapped within my body are teaming up for their daily protest.  I’m feeling the urge to call my psychologist and ask for advice, but the reality lies with my infuriating mobile phone, held back by a wire in a socket at home.

Weight for me soon. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Friday, 6 September 2013

DAYS 212 – 218: Conspiracy Theories

These are the golden days for conspiracy theorists. If you believed your government was spying on you, Edward Snowden’s revelations have shown you’re probably right. WikiLeaks and Bradley Manning laid bare a world in which the authorities routinely do one thing and say another. You may be paranoid, but they’re still out to get you — or at least to detain you at Heathrow Airport for questioning.

Now, just a week after the 16 years since a Mercedes plowed into a pillar in the Pont de l’Alma tunnel on August 31, 1997, depriving Britain of her People’s Princess and the young royals William and Harry of their mother, along comes a fresh allegation in the story that has generated more conspiracy theories than any other.
Scotland Yard announced that it is “scoping” new information about the Paris car crash that killed Diana, Princess of Wales and patron saint of conspiracy theorists. The claim surfaced during the trial of a member of Britain’s elite and secretive SAS army regiment; according to some reports, the estranged in-laws of a key witness told the military police that the witness had alleged SAS involvement in Diana’s death.

The circumstances of that death, though, have been exhaustively investigated, by the authorities in France and the U.K., most recently in the 90-day inquest at London’s Royal Courts of Justice that reached the conclusion in April 2008 that the Princess and her boyfriend Dodi Fayed had been “unlawfully killed.” The verdict highlighted the “gross negligence” of the driver Henri Paul, who died at the wheel and was found to have blood alcohol three times above the French legal limit, and of the paparazzi, whose reckless pursuit of the couple sparked the high-speed chase that ended in tragedy.

A quick internet search reveals a plethora of sites devoted to “exposing” Diana’s murder. A large and vociferous online community remains convinced, despite evidence to the contrary presented to the inquest, that the Queen’s former daughter-in-law was pregnant with Fayed’s child, provoking nebulous rings of vested interest at the heart of the British establishment into ordering her assassination to protect the monarchy. The more lurid versions of the tale claim the crash itself never happened (the Mercedes was dented in a car crusher; the Princess hijacked in the tunnel, forced into a vehicle masquerading as an ambulance and slaughtered). A surprisingly persistent meme depicts Diana as the victim of giant shape-shifting lizards that secretly control Britain. There are queries raised too about how and when a white Fiat Uno came into contact with the Mercedes, leaving paint traces, or whether Paul’s blood toxicology tallies with what is known of his last movements and usual habits, or why Diana’s seat belt was found not to work.

These queries seem sensible enough, and if we’ve learned anything from the whistle-blowers, hackers and leakers, it’s that the authorities don’t always tell the truth. But we knew that already. We may be in greater danger of forgetting that the authorities often do tell the truth too. Sometimes things are exactly as they seem: President Obama was born in Hawaii and Diana died in an accident, a victim not of unseen malefactors but of a collision between her desire for a private life and public fascination with her private life.

Scotland Yard — itself seeking to restore public trust after the twin blows of the News Corp phone-hacking scandal and the Jimmy Savile sex-abuse revelations revealed its tendency to protect the establishment rather than question it — has no choice but to evaluate the information it has received. To fail to do so would spark new conspiracies. Yet to divert more taxpayer money into a new inquiry also risks criticism. Hence the Yard’s carefully worded statement, which made clear: “This is not a reinvestigation.” Die-hard Diana conspiracists will be disappointed. They will always be disappointed.

Weight for me soon. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Friday, 30 August 2013

DAY 211: Salaries for Breadcrumbs

It’s the end of the month.  The optimistic tone which has mysteriously appeared in the office is largely due to the arrival of the long-awaited paycheck. 

For a brief moment, I was hopeful that the powers that be had finally figured out an exhilarating motivational plan which would encourage the team to fight for the company’s survival.  But the reality soon hits us in the face when one realises that it’s just another day in an abysmal working world, battling through the tedious hours of internet surfing, while an argument ensues over who will answer the telephone – unaware that it has been ringing for over a minute.

I take a break from my ‘overwhelming’ work schedule, and open my salary slip.  The amount highlighted at the bottom of the sheet conjures up feelings of anger, dissatisfaction and bitter revenge.  Since March 2013, the Cyprus banking catastrophe has forced management to seize a portion of my salary, justifying the cut due to the”economic crisis”.  The banks had willingly offered a breathing period on all personal loans, but now that the ‘honeymoon’ is over, I am forced to meet my commitments with a salary, sufficient to see me through the first week of the month.

The escalating costs of living combined with the annoying arrogance that “one needs to be greatful for one’s job – especially during these trying times,” has me walking barefoot on a bed of burning coal.  And, despite the advice of “muteness” received from a group of close friends, I feel the need to voice my annoyance in the form of a protest.  After all, one should never have to sweat, unless one is getting paid for it. In the non-prostitute sense, of course.

After the first week of mortgage payments, life insurances, school supplies, utility bills and the odd trip to the local McDonalds, I find myself home-bound with a surplus of cash enough to purchase a packet of breadcrumbs.  But for some strange reason, my weight manages to remain constant, unopposed by the lack of funds in the bank account.  The war brewing in the Middle East has my wife stocking on tinned foods, cleaning supplies and copious amounts of water bottles, in the event of a possible apocalyptic showdown. 

The news networks zone into Israel and the crowds of people lining the streets for their complimentary gas masks. As military build up continues ahead of a possible Western strike against Assad, the United Kingdom sends Typhoon fighter jets to Cyprus.  Russia has parked a fleet of warships in the Mediterranean, Turkey is backing the Syrian opposition and rebels, France and Germany are threatening punishment, and Cyprus is rejoicing over a local football team’s advancement into the group stages of the Europa League.

But that infamous paycheck is staring at me from beyond the torn envelope.  The appalling amount has warranted a series of threats, and if management does not comply, I see myself waging a different type of war.

Weight for me soon. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Thursday, 29 August 2013

DAYS 209 – 210: Are we on the brink of War?

"War" is defined as a long standing armed conflict between two or more groups over resources, land, cultural differences, or other matters of contention. It is usually instigated following a public declaration of war, but undeclared wars are quite common in the form of surprise attacks. War is considered different from murder or genocide, because of the organisation of the participants. The interesting thing, however, is that warfare is one of the few global/universal concepts – almost every culture in recorded history has had some concept of warfare, and has risen or fallen due to war.

“Britain risks sleep-walking into a full-scale war by launching missile strikes against Syria,” former top brass warned last night.
Retired commanders cautioned that an ill-thought-out attack against President Assad’s brutal regime could provoke revenge attacks at home and abroad.
Lord West of Spithead, a former First Sea Lord, General Lord Dannatt, a former head of the British Army, and Major General , a commander during the first Gulf War, all warned of the “unintended consequences” of a military campaign.

It also emerged that Israel was taking precautions against a possible Syrian attack, including bolstering missile defences and handing out gas masks to civilians. A coalition spearheaded by the US, Britain and France is preparing to punish Assad for allegedly gassing to death hundreds of innocent people last week.
Defence chiefs favour a strike against important military installations, including airbases, arms dumps and communications hubs, using long-range cruise missiles fired from warships or submarines amassing in the Mediterranean.

The hope is that the attacks will deter Assad from using chemical weapons and make it more difficult for him to launch them in future.
But military grandees fear David Cameron and his allies might unwittingly escalate Syria’s civil war into a regional conflict in the Middle East, or even a proxy Cold War with Damascus’s key ally, Russia.
Assad might also be goaded into retaliating against UK bases in Cyprus. And a missile strike might encourage extremists to bring bloodshed to the streets of Britain.
Lord West, a former head of the Navy, said ministers should try to get Russia and China to agree to condemn Assad’s chemical attacks in a UN Security Council Resolution.
“We are moving inextricably towards military action. A strike might be a rap across the knuckles for Assad but will that be enough to make him stop? I have have very severe doubts. If he is deranged enough to have used chemical weapons on his own people, which is a loathsome thing, what is he likely to do if we strike against key targets in Syria? He might do something as mad as fire ballistic missiles against the air base in Cyprus. That then becomes an attack on a Nato ally, an attack on British sovereign territory, and that means war, doesn’t it?”
Lord West  added: “Politicians think they can control these things, but once you embark on military operations you cannot predict what will happen. We need to be very clear on our game plan – what, at the end, is going to make our nation and the globe more secure, and ideally help the Syrian people.”

Of any military strike’s consequences, Lord West said: “Iran has said if anything happened it would unleash terrorist attacks, so you might have some reprisals here.”
Lord Dannatt questioned the legality and purpose of the proposed military strike, describing the plans as inappropriate.
He said Assad’s probable use of chemical weapons, however wrong, did “not constitute an open invitation for the international community to impose themselves on the internal affairs of another country.”
The general, who headed the British intervention in Kosovo in 1999, said an intervention could result in “fuelling the conflict and making it worse.”

General Cordingley, who led the Desert Rats during the liberation of Kuwait, said: “There is a danger Assad will retaliate against us. More widely, yet again people in the Arab world will say the West is dropping more bombs on the Middle East. It might not heighten the threat of terrorism at home, but it certainly will do nothing to reduce it.”
Syrian prime minister Wael al-Halqi responded to the threat of military intervention by warning his war-torn country would become a “graveyard of the invaders.”
And a Syrian army officer has claimed Assad could use kamikaze pilots to combat Western forces.
The unnamed officer told a British newspaper that, in the event of an attack by the US and Britain, the Syrian army had eight-thousand “suicide martyrs” who would give their lives to bring down warplanes.
“I myself am ready to blow myself up against US aircraft carriers to stop them attacking Syria and its people,” he said.

Questions and Answers

Would bombing Syria be lawful?
Britain and the US insist it would be, but the truth is far from clear. It’s hard to see how Syria’s reported chemical attacks against its own citizens present a direct threat to either country.

What specific laws or UN conventions might be used as justification?
The UN Charter allows for military action on only two grounds – in self-defence, or if action is approved by the UN Security Council. Neither applies here.  Russia has made clear its intention to veto any proposed Security Council resolution authorising action – as has China.

Can a military strike be legal without a UN resolution?
Unclear. In 1999, the Nato bombing campaign against Serbia was launched without one, with Tony Blair and President Clinton seeking to justify it on humanitarian grounds to protect Kosovan civilians.
The intervention was widely welcomed, but its legality was questionable. A similar humanitarian argument is being used to defend intervention in Syria.
If President Assad is proved to have launched poison gas attacks on his own people, he will be in breach of the Geneva Gas Protocol, an international agreement dating back to 1925 – to which Syria is a signatory – banning the use of chemical weapons.
But breaching the protocol doesn’t provide a clear justification for military action and it normally applies to international conflicts, rather than civil wars.

Does the UN have a ‘Responsibility to Protect’ the Syrians?
In 2005, following the hideous atrocities committed in Rwanda and Bosnia in the 1990s, the UN brought forward an initiative called the “Responsibility to Protect.”
It was designed to protect the innocent from genocide, war crimes and ethnic cleansing and places a duty on individual states to prevent such horrors within their borders, and an obligation to intervene if they see it elsewhere.
But former UN assistant Secretary-General, Francesc Vendrell, says the doctrine does not necessarily justify the use of force.
All diplomatic efforts must have been tried first, and even then military intervention requires the backing of the Security Council – taking David Cameron and President Obama back to square one.

Does the PM need Parliamentary backing for a bombing campaign?
Technically, no. He retains the power, under Royal Prerogative, to use military force without Parliamentary approval.
However, all recent major military interventions – including the wars in Iraq and Libya  – have been preceded by a Commons vote. The Government has made clear it will “respect the outcome’ of tonight’s.”

Weight for me soon. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com