It’s
official. Thirty-three days have trampled
my one year goal-weight mark, and the word ‘diet’ has been archived together
with those other gloomy terms which represent ‘health’ and ‘fitness’. I had ignored all the principles of healthy
eating, and consumed at least one hundred McDonalds chicken burgers en route to
the last month of rehearsals. But,
despite the risk of heart disease and future diabetes, and the fact that I had contributed
entirely to the local McDonalds’ monthly rental agreement, I refuse to take the
blame for my recent waywardness; it all boils down to an unfortunate case of Temporary Insanity.
The
pressures of staging a theatrical production in Cyprus, on the scale of “74”, were
immense. Although the cast and crew of
my latest theatrical play proved, on many occasion, to be the greatest ensemble
one could ever hope for, the task of raising the funds was arduous. The past week has seen my production team
working feverishly behind the scenes, eager to balance the books, and open a
new chapter for “Melina” – my next exciting play scheduled for the summer.
Amidst
the ‘crisis’, I am reminded by my spouse that the period of Lent is one of
spiritual reconciliation, and an opportunity to resume a healthy way of
life. My Orthodox beliefs dictate that
all meat, eggs and dairy products be eliminated from my daily intake, and that
one is required to leave all sinful attitudes behind. I responded enthusiastically to this ritual
by stocking up the refrigerator with an abundance of vegetables and fish. The cupboards in the kitchen were replenished
with organic products and healthy, low-calorie preserves, endless supplies of
bottled spring water and enough rice cakes to satisfy the entire overweight
population of Cyprus.
Heading
off to work, I am reminded yet again that the roads in Cyprus resemble the
aftermath of a civil war. After swerving
to avoid a ditch in the centre of the road, and a cat attempting to cross the lane
at the same time, I observed my tyre stumbling over two nails, resting on the
side of the street from the ongoing nearby construction site. The dust populating the atmosphere – an annual
sandstorm ‘treat’ which the people of Cyprus are forced to endure from the neighbouring
Sahara desert, made visibility difficult. As I attempted to change my tyre, a freak
rainstorm decided to bless our water-stricken earth, flooding everything in its
path; the cat was compelled to surf along the side of the road, gripping
tightly onto a broken olive tree branch.
I
experienced a brief sense of rage as my mouth recited every irreverent word
that came to mind.
Back
at the office, the reality of unpaid salaries and demotivation continues to
plague the workforce. An atmosphere of fury
develops, and one is made to feel guilty when questioning the whereabouts of
ones wages. The powers that be are
unable to commit to any payment date, as I envisage myself storming through the
management offices with a machine gun, firing on everyone in sight. A strong case of Temporary Insanity would justify my motives.
Oscar
Pistorius is back on trial in South Africa, as the tax payer continues to bear
the brunt of an over-publicised trial.
The mayor of my hometown remains totally oblivious to the fact that
there is a countdown clock posted outside his office; there are less than three
years until the town inherits the ‘Cultural Capital’ crown, and Pafos hardly boasts
any decent theatres suitable for hosting the events.
A
tube of sour cream and chives flavoured Pringles have brought a smile to my
face; a tub of cottage cheese serves as the perfect accompaniment. A plate of
de-pipped olives, shaved slices of salami, diced and salted tomato, asparagus
coated with olive oil and crushed black pepper, pickled beetroot and fried
Halloumi cheese are humming a chorus of joyful, gospel noise. This is my perfect recipe for ‘spiritual
reconciliation’. And, if anyone feels
indifferent, it’s a simple case of Temporary
Insanity.
Weight
for me soon. Paul
Paul Lambis has recently written, produced and co-directed a riveting war drama “74”, based on the 1974 Turkish invasion of Cyprus. He is also the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online, visit www.paul-lambis.com
