Wednesday 5 March 2014

DAYS 348 – 398: Temporary Insanity

It’s official.  Thirty-three days have trampled my one year goal-weight mark, and the word ‘diet’ has been archived together with those other gloomy terms which represent ‘health’ and ‘fitness’.  I had ignored all the principles of healthy eating, and consumed at least one hundred McDonalds chicken burgers en route to the last month of rehearsals.  But, despite the risk of heart disease and future diabetes, and the fact that I had contributed entirely to the local McDonalds’ monthly rental agreement, I refuse to take the blame for my recent waywardness; it all boils down to an unfortunate case of Temporary Insanity.

The pressures of staging a theatrical production in Cyprus, on the scale of “74”, were immense.  Although the cast and crew of my latest theatrical play proved, on many occasion, to be the greatest ensemble one could ever hope for, the task of raising the funds was arduous.  The past week has seen my production team working feverishly behind the scenes, eager to balance the books, and open a new chapter for “Melina” – my next exciting play scheduled for the summer.

Amidst the ‘crisis’, I am reminded by my spouse that the period of Lent is one of spiritual reconciliation, and an opportunity to resume a healthy way of life.  My Orthodox beliefs dictate that all meat, eggs and dairy products be eliminated from my daily intake, and that one is required to leave all sinful attitudes behind.  I responded enthusiastically to this ritual by stocking up the refrigerator with an abundance of vegetables and fish.  The cupboards in the kitchen were replenished with organic products and healthy, low-calorie preserves, endless supplies of bottled spring water and enough rice cakes to satisfy the entire overweight population of Cyprus. 

Heading off to work, I am reminded yet again that the roads in Cyprus resemble the aftermath of a civil war.  After swerving to avoid a ditch in the centre of the road, and a cat attempting to cross the lane at the same time, I observed my tyre stumbling over two nails, resting on the side of the street from the ongoing nearby construction site.  The dust populating the atmosphere – an annual sandstorm ‘treat’ which the people of Cyprus are forced to endure from the neighbouring Sahara desert, made visibility difficult.  As I attempted to change my tyre, a freak rainstorm decided to bless our water-stricken earth, flooding everything in its path; the cat was compelled to surf along the side of the road, gripping tightly onto a broken olive tree branch.
I experienced a brief sense of rage as my mouth recited every irreverent word that came to mind.

Back at the office, the reality of unpaid salaries and demotivation continues to plague the workforce.  An atmosphere of fury develops, and one is made to feel guilty when questioning the whereabouts of ones wages.  The powers that be are unable to commit to any payment date, as I envisage myself storming through the management offices with a machine gun, firing on everyone in sight.  A strong case of Temporary Insanity would justify my motives.
Oscar Pistorius is back on trial in South Africa, as the tax payer continues to bear the brunt of an over-publicised trial.  The mayor of my hometown remains totally oblivious to the fact that there is a countdown clock posted outside his office; there are less than three years until the town inherits the ‘Cultural Capital’ crown, and Pafos hardly boasts any decent theatres suitable for hosting the events.

A tube of sour cream and chives flavoured Pringles have brought a smile to my face; a tub of cottage cheese serves as the perfect accompaniment. A plate of de-pipped olives, shaved slices of salami, diced and salted tomato, asparagus coated with olive oil and crushed black pepper, pickled beetroot and fried Halloumi cheese are humming a chorus of joyful, gospel noise.  This is my perfect recipe for ‘spiritual reconciliation’.  And, if anyone feels indifferent, it’s a simple case of Temporary Insanity.

Weight for me soon. Paul


Paul Lambis has recently written, produced and co-directed a riveting war drama “74”, based on the 1974 Turkish invasion of Cyprus. He is also the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts.  For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online, visit www.paul-lambis.com