Tuesday 30 April 2013

DAY 93: "I'm coming out!"

On this day in 1997, in a widely publicised episode of the ABC sitcom “Ellen,” TV character Ellen Morgan (played by Ellen DeGeneres) announces that she is gay.

DeGeneres, a former stand-up comedian who was born on January 26, 1958, became part of the ensemble cast of the ABC series “These Friends of Mine” in 1994. She soon emerged as the undisputed star of the show, which landed in the top 20 best-rated programmes for the 1994-95 seasons. It would return in 1995, after being renamed “Ellen.”
With her sitcom success, DeGeneres seemed to be following in the footsteps of stand-up comics such as Tim Allen and Jerry Seinfeld. Like them, DeGeneres soon published a bestselling memoir, “My Point – And I Do Have One” in 1995.

In the fall of 1996, word leaked out that the character of Ellen Morgan, a bookstore manager, might acknowledge that she was a lesbian, making Ellen the first prime-time sitcom to feature a gay leading character. Over the next six months, ABC relentlessly encouraged the hype, with DeGeneres herself fueling the fire by joking in television interviews that her character was “Lebanese” and resisting attempts to clarify her own sexuality. A week before the episode aired, DeGeneres made a well-publicised “coming out” of her own, appearing on the cover of TIME magazine under the headline “Yep, I’m Gay.”

An estimated 42 million viewers watched April 30th’s special hour-long episode, which featured cameo appearances by Laura Dern (as the woman Ellen falls for), Oprah Winfrey (as the therapist to whom she makes her revelation), Demi Moore, Billy Bob Thornton and Dwight Yoakam.
Later episodes of Ellen failed to hold audiences, however, and by the end of the 1997 season the show was canceled due to low ratings. DeGeneres went on to star in the short-lived CBS sitcom “The Ellen Show” and provided the voice for a lead character in the acclaimed 2003 animated blockbuster “Finding Nemo.”  In September 2003, she launched a syndicated talk show, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” which won four “Daytime Emmy Awards” in its first season.  From 2004 to 2008, DeGeneres picked up four straight “Daytime Emmy Awards” for “Best Talk Show Host.” She has also served as a host for both the Emmy Awards and the Academy Awards.

In addition to her thriving career, DeGeneres has also made headlines for her love life, including a well-publicised relationship with the actress Anne Heche, who later broke up with DeGeneres and married a man. In May 2008, shortly after the California Supreme Court overturned a ban on same-sex marriage, DeGeneres announced she would marry her longtime girlfriend, the actress Portia De Rossi. The two were wed at their Beverly Hills home on August 16 of that same year.

In November 2011, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton named her a “Special Envoy for Global AIDS Awareness.”
DeGeneres is an ethical vegan who calls herself a "big animal lover.”  The talk show host currently co-ordinates a vegan outreach website titled “Going Vegan with Ellen” and has opened a vegan tapas bar, “Bokado,” in Los Angeles.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book oline,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Monday 29 April 2013

DAY 92: Urgent Appeal

PAUL LAMBIS LONDON COMEDY SHOWS URGENT APPEAL TO RAISE € 3000

The recent and unfortunate banking crisis in Cyprus has caused our main sponsors to withdraw their funding for our London Shows. Please help us get there, by donating any amount to our PAYPAL account.
Your sponsorship will allow us the opportunity to represent our island in the United Kingdom this June.
Our aim is to promote “laughter” and bring joy to every one during these difficult times.

DONATE ANY AMOUNT THROUGH PAYPAL
E-mail: icon-a@cytanet.com.cy

THE PAUL LAMBIS COMEDY SHOWS

“If you don’t laugh at life, life will laugh at you.”

After three sell-out shows in Cyprus, Paul Lambis brings his phenomenal one-man show to the UK stage with two live comedy show performances in June 2013.

TWO EVENINGS OF STAND-UP, BANTER AND STORIES
BASED ON LAMBIS’ AUTOBIOGRAPHY “WHERE IS HOME?”

From the start of the show, Lambis’ comic appearance sets the note for what would be ninety minutes of continuous laughter.
The core subject revolves around the life of a Cypriot family (his own) who lived in South Africa before returning to their home country. Each member represents a typical Mediterranean character: an over-protective mother, an authoritarian homophobic father, and children who’d continuously strive to gain freedom and independence from their loving parents.

Lambis turns his own self into derision, laughing at his overweight stature and making fun of his friends and family without whom, life wouldn’t be life.

The UK shows will take place at the Dugdale Centre, Enfield Town on the 22 and 23 June 2013.

“A resounding success.” – London Greek Radio
“Funny, frank, poignant and smutty.” – The Cyprus Weekly

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Sunday 28 April 2013

DAY 91: Nectar of the Gods

It’s the Greeks who are to blame. Not only did they introduce democracy to the world and give rise to some of the world’s greatest thinkers in the forms of Plato and Aristotle, each challenging the world view with their respective versions of “The Republic,” but it seems that they are solely responsible for inventing and subsequently perfecting one of the most refreshing drinks known to mankind.

Being Greek, one could probably assume that the drink we are referring to is Ouzo, or even one of the world’s oldest wines, Retsina. You would, however, be mistaken, because the great Greeks are known as the inventors, consumers and very proud owners of that most refreshing of summer drinks, the Frappe.

You would think that being Greeks, their coffee of choice would be the traditional Greek (or Turkish, depending on which side of the border you’re on) mixed in the small copper pot known as the ‘embrike’ and often strong enough to stand a spoon in, if you take into account what the older generation say about their ancestors’ coffee.

Today’s Greeks though are very much of the Frappe generation, with almost the entire population sector claiming to be the biggest fans of this frothy beverage. One could even go so far as to say that over and above all things, Frappe is the one thing that transcends all socio-political, economic barriers.
In all seriousness though, anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to spend any amount of time in either Greece or Cyprus during the long, hot summers that make the two countries so attractive, especially with their outdoor lifestyles next to shimmering beaches should know that the drink of choice to quench any thirst has to be the fabulous Frappe.

As you sit, or lounge, in a cafe or bar, facing the glorious Mediterranean Sea, sipping on your “sketo, ligo gala, miso miso, glyko” Frappe – plain, a little milk, half-half or sweet - Frappe, you may be surprised as to how much thought and even history comes into the making of this quenching coffee.

First and foremost, perhaps like most great things, the invention of Frappe was through an act of desperate necessity and was actually born at the expense of a children’s chocolate drink. What happened was that two representatives of the Nestle Company in Greece were at the 1957 Trade Fair in Thessaloniki, Greece. One of the representatives was showing his audience how to make a new children’s chocolate beverage, using powder, water and a mixer (blender). His colleague, called Dimitris Vakondis, was desperate for a cup of coffee and in his anguish, not being able to find any hot water with which to make his coffee, resorted to putting his instant coffee with cold water and using the blender to mix it up; and so to his great surprise he had made a cold coffee with lovely soft froth which tasted good.

This new cold coffee ended up being more popular than the children’s chocolate drink and Nestle ended up taking this new product on board, perfecting the type of coffee used and the methodology and then successfully marketing Nestle (or Nescafe) Frappe as Greece’s national drink. They did their job so well that the Frappe became what we know it to be today – the most consumed drink in both Greece and Cyprus.

When you order your Frappe, you could even spare a thought into how the actual drink is made and why it is vital to use the right kind of coffee to get the foam just right. Research has shown that while the freeze-dried soluble coffee found in supermarkets can be used, the best coffee to make frappe is the spray-dried instant variety because apparently its low coffee-oil content aids in how the foam is made, what it looks like and how long it lasts. It really is hard to believe that something as simple as foam is a result of science, but then perfection is often a product of much practice.

Scientifically, when the spray-dried coffee is dissolved, it enables the creation of a thicker frothy layer at the top of the coffee where the tiny bubbles forming the froth are held together by the actual coffee solids, with the absence of oil making the mixture more stable, so the bubbles are supported and don’t collapse. Once the foam is created, a process of thickening takes place where water molecules are constantly pushed out of the froth so the bubbles then come closer together, resulting in an almost solid foam. While the foam itself has no real effect on the actual taste of the coffee and drinkers consume the drink from a straw to avoid actual contact with the foam, the foam in top of a Greek Frappe is universally considered to be an integral part of the entire process and in fact one of the best and often favourite part of the drink is the luxurious slurping of the foam once the actual liquid is finished as that is where the taste remains, especially if the Frappe is drunk with sugar.

The cold coffee beverage has become so popular in Greece that not only does the country import but does not export any of its soluble coffee as is the case with most European countries, but it even gave rise to a popular book devoted to the practise and consumption of the national drink called Frappe Nation. Described as a bilingual gift book, Frappe Nation is full of coffee facts and quotes from coffee professionals, social presences and entertainment icons of Greek society. One of the quotes used in the book even describes the power of the Frappe, “the distance between glum silence and spirited chattiness can sometimes be measured by the length of a straw.”

While the publishing of a book celebrating some of the best and most popular coffee haunts throughout the entire Greek nation, including all the islands may perhaps seem a bit extreme, it really is indicative of the fact that Frappe is absolutely the ultimate Greek drink and while it may not be on the same ideological level as Plato and Aristotle, as you lounge back, gazing at the sparkling blue Mediterranean Sea, sipping your Frappe, you should acknowledge that it may even be the ultimate nectar of the Greek Gods.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Saturday 27 April 2013

DAY 90: The Ultimate Midas

One of the great characteristics of the Greek race is the fact that they can be defined by their legendary history. Their legacy revolves around power and of course, knowledge. Perhaps it was the Ancient Greeks who were more renowned as personifying all of these characteristics, but there is one man, in fact almost a (Greek) god amongst men, who has most recently perfectly encapsulated everything that made his ancestors one of the most dynamic and impressive races ever to leave their mark on the world.

Aristotle Socratis Onassis, the legend who was dubbed ‘The Golden Greek’ for having the Midas touch of turning everything he had contact with into a golden success, was actually born in Asia Minor, in modern day Izmir, Turkey. Known under its Greek name of Smyrna at the time of his birth (1900), the area was home to a rather significant Greek population, most of whom seemed to be rather well off.  These affluent Greeks included Onassis’ father who made his living as a tobacco merchant and it proved to be his knowledge of the tobacco business which led to the beginning of Onassis’ immense success.

As with most Greeks in the troubled region, after the First World War and the reoccupation of Smyrna from Greece by Turkey, Onassis lost most of his family to war or political tensions. As a result of his father’s imprisonment by Turkish forces for apparent conspiracy, and to avoid any further losses and problems (and perhaps as a savvy business mind who could see that there was no future for someone like him in the area), he left for Greece with his father’s savings strapped to his legs.

Once his father was released and joined what was left of his family, he clashed with his son, causing the younger Onassis to decide to make his fortunes elsewhere and so in 1923, he left for Argentina, using a special visa called the “Nansen Permit” which allowed refugees a one-way trip to resettle in a country of their choice. According to biographical sources, the only money Aristotle Onassis had with him when he arrived in Buenos Aires was the princely sum of two hundred and fifty dollars.

Onassis soon found a steady job working for the British United River Plate Telephone Company, probably because he was fluent in English and Spanish, as well as Greek and Turkish, thanks to the excellent private education he received in Smyrna as the son of a successful businessman. His talent and intuition for business started when he became a night-shift telephone operator for the company, and used his time to eavesdrop on business calls made between Argentina and London and New York. Using his small savings, Onassis started investing in the deals he was listening to and soon started making money.

It wasn’t until he made amends with his father though and started importing the softer (and cheaper) Turkish tobacco that he made his first million dollars, as he was producing his own cigarettes; it must also be said that at the time there were rumours that he engaged in sabotaging his competitors as well as a few illegal business activities.

Even though he was born in Turkey and started his business operations in Argentina, one of the things which really defined Onassis was that he was proud of his Greek heritage and traded quite significantly with Greece. In fact one of the prime examples of his business acumen was when the Greek government announced that it was going to impose a hundred percent tax increase in 1929, on all products which came into the country from places which had no trade agreements with Greece. At the time, there were no agreements between Greece and Argentina; so if one takes into account that Onassis had traded two million eight hundred thousand dollars with Greece during 1928, then it makes sense that he would be suitably nervous at the financial ramifications of this decision.

Taking the bull by the horns, Onassis wrote a letter to then Prime Minister, Eleftherios Venizelos, warning him very directly and openly about the damage such a tax could cause, especially to the Greek merchant navy, especially since eighty percent of the navy was used for transport between Europe and Argentina.

Apparently all it took were the right figures (some in the form of bribes to various people in right places) and taxes between Greece and Argentine were lifted. When it came to ‘convincing’ people to do things, Onassis was reportedly a fan of the method, even commenting once, that he would never trust a person who would not accept a bribe.

While he made a few millions with the tobacco business, it wasn’t until he turned his attention to the shipping industry, with special focus on oil tankers that the money really started sailing in. At the time, the shipping industry was pretty much an insider’s game and it wasn’t really that easy for anyone new to enter its waters. Sometime after the First World War, following his father’s death in Athens, Onassis visited London where a rumour fell on his ears that there were a few Canadian freight ships, owned by the Canadian National Steamship Company, up for sale. The company found itself in trouble following the massive after-effects of the Great Depression and so Onassis simply stepped in and bought six of these massive freighters for a mere twenty thousand dollars each.

In what proved to be a stroke of business genius, he registered his ships which were used as cargo-carriers across the Atlantic in Panama and so flying the Panamanian flag, he saved a fortune on maritime taxes. At the same time, he conveniently embarked on an affair with a wealthy Swedish shipping heiress with the result that he was able to have a fifteen thousand ton tanker built, which he called the ‘Ariston’ simply meaning ‘the best’ in Greek; it was also the largest tanker ever to have been built.

One would have imagined that the globally devastating Second World War would have affected his business, but as the man with the Midas business touch, and after a few challenging experiences, Onassis found his golden way and reached an agreement with the Allied forces, whereby he rented them what was needed of his fleet to fight the German and Japanese forces.  And in a stroke of genius, he made a deal with the American government to give him their surplus war ships at the end of the war at a very favourable price.
Aristotle Onassis went on to provide tankers for oil shipping, making millions and millions using specific knowledge, like the information that Egypt would shut off the Suez Canal, so he used his super tankers to transport the liquid gold around the Cape instead.

Whatever businesses he touched - and by all accounts there were many, including majority shares in the Monte Carlo Casino which angered his old friend Prince Rainier III, ownership of Olympic Airways and a vast array of properties and businesses around the world – Aristotle Onassis could perhaps best be described as being the ultimate Midas.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Friday 26 April 2013

DAY 89: Work Etiquette

There is a code which governs the expectations of social behavior in the workplace; the same code which applies to a group or society – advising the individual on how to behave when dealing with situations in a working environment, no matter how trivial those situations may be.

“Work etiquette” applies to each and every one of us – how we behave at work influences our happiness and our employment aspirations.  But how does one deal with a group of degenerates who dominate the halls at work, exploiting their positions through dictatorship?
Their freedom to exercise this self-pronounced ‘talent’ is often supported by an even more extreme fascist who feels the need to pat his disciples on the back, proclaiming themselves “masters of their own universe.”

However, their tyrannical antics are short-lived when the clock declares another work day to a close.  The masses depart from the workplace overwhelmed by the sadistic tone of their superiors, shifting their own disheartened emotions back home.
There is often a case of “role-reversal” when the tyrant returns to his own sanctuary, and another dominant figure assumes power – normally the spouse.

My wife and I spent the morning assessing my present emotional status.  Her concerns over my sudden depression have raised the alert button; our finances are under the spotlight, as are the unfavourable working conditions.  The banking crisis in Cyprus has somehow vanished from the world’s watchful eye, while back on the home front, the struggle is obvious.
But is there a need for a dictatorship at work?  Shouldn’t the work ethic lean towards the “motivational” side with incentives to encourage productivity?

On the contrary, the levels of enthusiasm seem to be knocking on a sluggish pace of productivity, and the attitude has inspired lack of interest. 
Back in South Africa, I recall a time when recession introduced lower salaries and restructuring within the company.  Management had summoned the ‘team’ together, reassuring their staff of the temporary measures.  Their concern for their colleagues inspired other incentives to boost performance levels: a grand prize at the end of the year involving a trip overseas, vouchers to eating establishments and mini spa breaks.

Turbulent times prevail, but the attitude of the captain needs to remain focused, optimistic, firm, attentive and calm.  An inexperienced pilot will certainly steer his troops into unfamiliar terrain.  Perhaps it’s time for the crew to invest in a new training programme. That will certainly keep the workforce afloat.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Thursday 25 April 2013

DAY 88: Learning to walk, again

In 2008, I was involved in a near-fatal road accident which left me bedridden for six months.  Confined to a hospital bed, entangled in a yoke of tubes and bandages, the endless hours would tease me with their patience.  In fact, the unanimous verdict delivered by the gaggle of doctors suggested no hint of hope for walking again.

As I tried to absorb the harsh reality of paralysis, my mind began to play its own game of readjustment; the road ahead appeared bleak, and the thought of returning home to an obstacle course of railings and ramps frightened me. 
The challenge of this “unknown world” was made easier by the support of a united family – each member playing their part to pave the way for my stress-free transition.  

Admittedly, there were moments of uncertainty where the frustration of my ‘imprisonment’ suggested barriers and closed doors.  But the comforting reassurance of my family, encouraging me to ignore any and all negativity, inspired me to rediscover a hidden strength to learn how to walk again.

To this day, my life-changing experience continues to haunt me.  I constantly recall moments from my ordeal – a series of flashbacks which enter my mind photographically; the squealing sounds of a hospital bed, my sleep interrupted by the prick of a needle, the force of the weights, leisurely pulling my leg into place.  But it's the comment made by an inexperienced doctor, advising my father to purchase a wheelchair which echoes harshly in my mind.  I recall his words, embedding themselves like sharp, serrated knives: “Your son will never be able to walk again.”

Driving home from the hospital, my father turned and looked at me.  His commanding voice would not allow for any self-pity.  His confidence became an oath – a commitment made by my father to prove this incompetent doctor wrong. 
His (my father’s) visits included a follow-up on compulsory exercises recommended by the physiotherapist.  As I continued to assure myself (and my father) of my improvement, our mutual perseverance finally branded us the victors of our own war.

It was a YouTube video which motivated my blog this morning.  As I made my way through the updates on my timeline, I discovered a post from a friend which encouraged me to watch this inspirational story. Having viewed it, I was reminded of my own battle, and the extraordinary faith shown by my father – his confidence which made me believe that everything is possible. 

To view the video, follow the link: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=494127820642845

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Wednesday 24 April 2013

DAY 87: Time

I would like to thank one of my close friends for sharing this with me.  Reading through it, one cannot help but re-examine one’s own outlook on life.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make € 100 an hour."
SON: "Oh!” (With his head down)
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow € 50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard every day and will not tolerate such childish behaviour."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that € 50 – after all, he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room, opened the door and entered.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"
SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the € 50 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that his son already had money, and started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out the money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"
SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do. I have € 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

This is a short reminder to all of those individuals working hard in life. We often allow time to slip through our fingers without having spent some of it with those who really matter to us.
If we died tomorrow, the company that we were working for would easily replace us in a matter of days – no one is indispensible.  The family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the remainder of their lives. And come to think of it, we invest more of our time into our work than our family.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Tuesday 23 April 2013

DAY 86: Honey Boo Boo

A new reality programme has recently surfaced on one of the networks; “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” tells the story of seven-year-old child beauty pageant participant Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson, along with her mother June Shannon, father Mike Thompson, and three older sisters.


Filmed mostly in and around the family's hometown in rural McIntyre, Georgia, United States, “Honey Boo Boo” is the perfect example of child exploitation – a horror story posing as a reality television programme.
A reviewer for Forbes criticised TLC – the network airing the programme, as trying to "portray Alana's family as a horde of lice-picking, lard-eating, nose-thumbing hooligans south of the Mason–Dixon line."

The Guardian also criticised the attempt to portray the Thompsons as people to "point and snicker at," saying, "None of the women or girls who participate in the show seems to hate themselves for their poverty, their weight, their less-than-urbane lifestyle, or the ways in which they diverge from the socially-acceptable beauty standard."

June Shannon herself has been condemned for her daughter's diet, which includes "Go Go Juice," a mixture of Red Bull and Mountain Dew that contains as much caffeine as two cups of coffee. The mix is used to get her daughter ready for pageants. Shannon has responded to this criticism saying. "There are far worse things... I could be giving her alcohol."
She has also been praised by Mother Nature Network for her "keen business sense" with which she feeds her family on $80 a week by clipping copious coupons, playing Bingo, exploiting road kill, and acquiring child-support cheques from each of her four children’s fathers.

Despite all this, it has proven popular with viewers, pulling in record ratings for the channel in the US.  Discovery Networks International will launch TLC in the UK and Ireland on Tuesday, April 30, and Honey Boo Boo will be among the exclusive content premiering on the channel.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Monday 22 April 2013

DAY 85: Extreme Measures

My son and I rushed into the kitchen last night after a piercing cry emerged from my wife’s mouth.  At first, the ear-splitting noise implied the possibility of an intruder, attempting to kidnap my wife, but then again, Cyprus is relatively safe and the possibility of an early-evening intrusion in my village is virtually unheard of.   
Erasing the thought of abduction from my mind, it was revealed that my wife’s resonating cry was largely due to a simple cockroach, casually crossing paths with her in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Before I could mimic a gallant knight in shining armour, my wife had already challenged our uninvited ‘friend’ to a ferocious battle of shoe beatings; its ailing body, crushed senseless by the soles of a Nike sneaker, was swept out of the kitchen abruptly as my wife expressed her anger over the creature’s unwillingness to die hastily.

As peace ensued, my heart resumed to its regular rhythmic beat. Overwhelmed by my wife’s detestable style of communication, I questioned her language skills – which seemed rather extreme.  The previous week, a vulgar growl implied that something had gone wrong with the dishwasher; prior to that, a squealing roar suggested anger over the television remote.

Needless to say, my question was brushed aside with an irritating flicker of the hand; a ‘researched’ lecture on male ignorance and immaturity followed as I remained dumbfounded on the couch.  It seemed that my delayed heroic antics were my wife’s main concern, while her mood had mysteriously transformed from a gratifying and pleasing tone (when she first woke up in the morning), to one of overall annoyance.
Less than five minutes later, my wife was beaming with gladness again, admiring photos of our godchild – simultaneously revealing more of her invented language, most of which included sounds like “guchi guchi goo goo nu nu mwah!”

It appeared to me that the female species have developed their own covert form of communication – a “secret code” that convincingly expresses emotion and an extended list of demands and curses through a single squeal.  And surprisingly enough, without a diploma or validated certificate of approval, almost every woman has inherited this ‘divine’ gift of communication.

I am constantly in awe of the “women can multi-task” feature, but this new invented language novelty has certainly surpassed my expectations.  Having observed my wife’s body language, I am able to assess her current mood – hoping, at the best of times, to avoid a possible confrontation.
But my thoughts are with the poor bug resting lifeless outside on the veranda. Perhaps the helpless creature willingly submitted to cold murder having heard the screams emanating from a species one million times larger.
Or, could it be that the cockroach had already identified that the resistance was of the opposite sex, and despite any effort, his fate had already been decided.

Unfortunately, one male cockroach was harmed during the writing of this blog.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Sunday 21 April 2013

DAY 84: Sink your Teeth

It seems that there has always been a somewhat morbid fascination with the underworld. Witches, demons and werewolves have long been the focus of man’s interest. Perhaps it is the same compulsion which leads people who are of a religious persuasion to believe in the concept of good and evil, while someone wise once claimed that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

So if we take the assumption then that there is the existence of good force, of positive light and energy, then there must also therefore be the opposing existence of negative and malevolent force and energy. One only needs to travel back to the worlds of the ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans to see that from the time man has been able to write down and commit his thoughts and feelings to paper and transform these thoughts and feelings into some kind of rational process, that there has been a state of what we can define in present time as good and evil, heaven and hell and of course the existence of agents of both. Whether it is the ancient Greek version of Hades and the Underworld, or Christianity and Islam’s concept of Heaven and Hell, it seems that as the human race, there has always been the need to define, explain and understand things as either one or the other.

Enter the (anti) hero of some of the most seductive and alluring literature to have been written. The Vampire; he (or she) who sucks blood, sleeps in a coffin and who is usually broody and mysterious has long since been the subject of both literary and folkloric fascination. Essentially perceived and presented as evil, it could be suggested that what makes the vampire as a being ultimately so seductive is that there is always that very small, almost unperceivable element of human feeling.

There has never quite been a figure or being who is quite like the vampire, especially in the world of literature. While the teenage world of today is rather taken with the Twilight series, one cannot ever forget the legendary Vampire Chronicles from epic gothic author, Anne Rice who gave us the unforgettable Louis, Lestat and Armand, not to mention a host of other, secondary underworld characters.

Even if one has never read the Vampire Chronicles, their cinematic representations are equally seductive and even if the casting process with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt’s portrayals were perhaps a little superficial for die-hard Rice admirers,  there is no doubt that the characters appeal to our own ‘dark sides’ somewhat.

The literary genre of portraying vampires started back in 1748 in the poem ‘The Vampire’ by Heinrich August Ossenfelder, but the real launch of the genre, especially as the subject of a novel can be attributed to John Polidori who wrote the first piece of prose fiction called ‘The Vampyre’ in 1819. Initially, there was some confusion as the work was originally attributed to Polidori’s employer, Lord Byron, himself a renowned literary figure.

The book was actually written about the same time as perhaps the most prolific horror story ever written, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, both of which were as a result of a friendly ‘horror-story’ writing competition between some of the British Romantic Movement’s best known members.

The physical origins of vampires can almost certainly be traced to Medieval Eastern Europe, conveniently also the setting of the most famous vampire book ever to have been written, Bram Stoker’s ‘Dracula’.

One of the earliest written examples of vampiric activity comes from the region of Istria, which can be found in modern day Croatia. Written in 1672, apparently peasants claimed that their local vampire, former peasant Giure Grando, who had died in 1656, rose from the dead and was drinking villagers’ blood while also sexually harassing his widow. According to custom, a stake was driven through his heart, although this was ineffective as his corpse was subsequently beheaded. The eighteenth century in Europe was riddled with vampire sightings and there was a frenzy of sorts of people being killed with the stake driven through their hearts and graves being opened just to make sure the dead were really dead. At one point in the Eastern European regions, government officials were even appointed to find and destroy all vampires; in essence a witch hunt, but these perpetrators weren’t burnt at the stake, they were skewered.

The obsession with vampires reached its peak during the Age of Enlightenment, which although lead to a suppression and elimination of most myths and legends, the belief in vampires jumped somewhat out of control with Europe experiencing a frenzy of almost mass hysteria. Even famous French philosopher Voltaire wrote in his book, ‘Philosophical Dictionary’ that “these vampires were corpses, who went out of their graves at night to suck the blood of the living, either at the throats or stomachs, after which they returned to their cemeteries. The persons so sucked waned, grew pale and fell into consumption while the sucking corpses grew fat, rosy and enjoyed an excellent appetite.”

The hysteria eventually ended when science overtook fantasy and people generally stopped believing in the existence of the undead. Much like werewolves, demons and malevolent spirits though, surely there will always be an element of uncertainty as to whether these beings actually existed or have evolved and grown as figments of man’s creative mind?

Would it not make sense to think that if there is a concept of good and evil, of a positive and negative energy that maybe both energies have had their specific agents on earth to claim victory for each side? And while vampires may have been very frightening entities in medieval times, isn’t there a tiny part of the human mind and psyche now, when modern-day literary and cinematic representations portray the creatures as seductive, alluring and mysterious that could be allowed to wonder into the possibility that maybe, just maybe vampires could be a representation of what the human being could actually be allowed to become if the dark side was allowed just a little bit of light.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Saturday 20 April 2013

DAY 83: A Midsummer Night's Dream

For a brief moment, I found myself wandering through the forest, mesmerised by the enchanting and melodious cries of the fairies.  A story of true love began to unfold before me as the innocent Hermia refused to follow her father Egeus’ instructions to marry Demetrius; Hermia was in love with Lysander.

The romantic comedy, staged by an aspiring group of students, inspired me to escape from the dramas of the outside world; the forest was, after all, the perfect hideaway.  And, somewhere between the props and the passionate adaptations from this adventurous group of teenagers, my niece 'Hyppolita' emerged, delivering her lines flawlessly. 

I’ve always been a Shakespearean at heart with an appetite for romantic comedies.  So when my niece invited me to her school’s production of William Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” my attendance was unquestionable.  My only prerequisite was for a sturdy chair, strong enough to support my epic figure; the embarrassing thought of me ice-skating along the polished wooden floors with a half-broken plastic garden chair during the performance, would certainly motivate the audience to divert their attention onto me. 

After an inspiring hour of Shakespearean lingo, the finale was greeted with a merry ovation from the crowds – some of them applauding enthusiastically, although one could easily identify the cheers of appreciation emerging from those who were overcome by the exhaustion of word-weariness; the creative dialect demands an individual’s undivided attention, although the drama teacher made every effort to integrate a more modern translation of events through an intelligently original narration.

The drive back home included my own version of Shakespearean tongue; my son’s aggravated expression was evident through the rear-view mirror, as I continued to preach repetitively.  My wife remained still, ignoring my immaturity – her mind focused on her bed, eager for a well-deserved rest.

Back in the bedroom, my indecisiveness of book choice was apparent through my mountainous selection of literature, towering above the nightstand.  Caught between the “Fifty Shades of Grey” and Tilly Bagshawe’s “Fabulous,” I opted for my android, selecting a one-hour session of rain-and-thunder sound effects, transporting the mind, body and soul to blissful sleep.

Pleasant Dreams.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Friday 19 April 2013

DAY 82: Destination Mars

Five years ago, if I had threatened to send my wife to Mars after a heated debate, she would have laughed it off as another one of my silly immaturities.  But last night, my warning signs were on high alert as the BBC featured an insert on Mars, calling for volunteers to participate in a one-way ticket space mission.
Needless to say, silence ensued as our eyes locked for a brief second in a nail-biting duel.  My cynical laugh proclaimed victory, while my wife’s priceless response of tossing the couch cushions forcefully in my direction revealed her defeat.

The reality of sending a team of explorers to the “red planet” has inspired thousands of hopefuls to submit their request for this one-way ticket assignment.  Successful applicants will be trained physically and psychologically.  The organising team will use existing technology for all aspects of the project.  Energy will be generated from solar panels, water will be recycled and extracted from soil and the astronauts will grow their own food – they will also have an emergency ration and regular top-ups as new explorers join every two years.

Having highlighted the ‘favourable’ living conditions, I decided to explore the matter further; according to Mars One – the Dutch organisation responsible for the space expedition, astronauts are bound to lose considerable bone and muscle mass during the seven-to-eight month journey. After spending time on Mars' much weaker gravitational field, it would be almost impossible to readjust back to Earth's stronger gravity, hence the one-way-ticket scenario.

Admittedly, the thought of losing weight drastically encourages me to swiftly complete an online application to visit this unique part of the cosmos, but the thought of alienation terrifies me.  I’ve always considered myself an extroverted individual, eager for a social climate; isolated in a new world with four strangers is hardly an incentive to send me packing.

I must profess my admiration for those select few who will embark on this voyage into the unknown.  This group of risk-takers will have to endure a “vacuum-like” atmospheric pressure, high radiation levels and varying temperatures. 
One of the doctors overseeing the entire operation, ‘reassures’ the lucky ticket-holder that their journey to Mars does not guarantee an extended survival time.  The only consolation for the astronaut is that the entire project will be televised, from the reality TV style selection process, to landing and beyond.  

On the 21 July 1969, an estimated five hundred million people worldwide watched as Neil Armstrong became the first human to step onto the moon.  It’s estimated that in 2023, fifteen years from now, billions will tune in to observe Mars One’s achievement; the publicity generated from the “Big-Brother” style televised application process reassures the first volunteers that they will not be alone, and the entire world will be watching.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Thursday 18 April 2013

DAY 81: Cyprus - The Road Ahead



Despite predictions of its demise as an international business centre by its competitors and detractors, Cyprus continues to stand tall and is adamant not to ‘waste this crisis’, but to turn it into an opportunity to become a more competitive jurisdiction.

Fresh from securing €10 billion in financial assistance, the country is now focused on restructuring and revitalising the economy, making sure every cent counts in safeguarding the future. With Cyprus’ corporate structures still a compelling proposition for global companies, new investment opportunities in tourism and with the ‘world class’ discovery of hydrocarbons, there is every reason to believe that Cyprus will weather the storm.

Cyprus has taken centre stage in recent months as the fifth EU member state to request a financial assistance package. The small Eastern Mediterranean country captured the world’s attention as it fought hard to bounce back from the brink of bankruptcy through intense negotiations with international lenders, while at the same time undergoing presidential elections and a change of government.

Recent economic developments have put Cyprus on the world map, albeit for all the wrong reasons, but what may have been lost in the coverage of these events is that the island’s core offering remains as relevant today as it has for the past decade. The country’s status as a financial centre has certainly been wounded, but what remains intact is Cyprus’ solid experience in corporate structuring and offering blue chip companies and tax planners preferential access to high growth markets like Europe, Russia, China and India. With close to 50 double tax treaties, Cyprus continues to provide international businesses an attractive base for their operations, a fully EU-harmonised tax and legal framework and one of the lowest and most competitive corporate tax rates in Europe at 12.5%.

The Perfect Storm
The current situation in Cyprus has been described by many as the perfect storm. Having enjoyed decades of uninterrupted growth before the current global financial crisis, Cyprus first began to feel the effects in 2010 when the booming construction and real estate sector suffered a severe hit with falling property prices and a decrease in overseas buyers.

The economic climate deteriorated further with rising unemployment, a bloated public sector and public overspending pushing the government deficit further into the red.  But even at that stage the situation was manageable. While Cypriot banks were already grappling with a rising number of non-performing loans, the collapse of the Greek economy and the island’s significant exposure to Greek government bonds became the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

Both domestic and international critics have questioned why Cyprus invested so heavily into Greece. Cyprus has strong trade and investment relations, as well as a cultural and religious affinity with Greece, provided a natural market in which to expand during the boom years. Government bonds are not usually considered to be a risky investment and there was some pressure on Cypriot banks, especially those operating in Greece, to buy the bonds. However the risks involved were grossly underestimated as was the outcome of the Greek bailout, which imposed staggering losses of around €4.5 billion on Cypriot banks following the EU/IMF debt haircut on Greece.

The Banks
The unprecedented decision by the Eurogroup to impose losses on depositors sent shock waves around the world and resulted in the closure of Cyprus’ entire banking sector for nearly two weeks with the imposition of capital controls in a bid to prevent a bank run. However, what emerged as the world watched with baited breath, was not a run on the banks or violent riots, but a defiant show of resilience and solidarity among the Cypriots – who say ‘we have overcome worse times than this’. Granted, there has been justified anger over these developments and the losses imposed on uninsured depositors. Cypriots and the local banking sector have been severely affected by the winding down of Laiki Bank and the restructuring of the Bank of Cyprus, and those with deposits over €100,000 in these banks have unfortunately had to take this costly setback ‘on the chin’.

Despite reports of Cyprus’  financial centre being in complete meltdown, in reality, out of the 40 banks operating in Cyprus only two local banks have been forced to undergo restructuring – leaving the majority of banks on the island unaffected. Today, temporary capital controls remain in place to safeguard the banking system and while a definite date is yet to be set to lift these measures, companies in Cyprus have reportedly been able to operate despite the inconvenience. Naturally, both the government and the private sector are keen to see these controls lifted as soon as possible and there have been assurances that the restrictions on capital movement will gradually be relaxed as the situation improves.

Money Laundering
Prior to joining the European Union in 2004, the reputation of Cyprus suffered from rumours of money laundering, tax evasion and being a haven for Russian oligarchs. During the negotiation process to join the EU, Cyprus had to undergo extensive measures to implement its current fully EU-approved tax framework. Cyprus is also on the OECD White List and has implemented all EU directives to achieve transparency. In fact, Cyprus is currently the only EU member state applying a stricter threshold to identify beneficial owners of legal entities – in Cyprus 10% ownership must be disclosed rather than the EU benchmark of 25%.

However, these rumours resurfaced once again during the bailout negotiations and many saw them as an unjustified attack and unfair treatment, considering the measures Cyprus has taken to combat money laundering have been internationally assessed several times by the Council of Europe Committee (MONEYVAL).  Of course financial crime occurs worldwide, but Cyprus’ professionals point out that the country’s money laundering regulations rate better than most countries levelling these allegations.


Sectors of Opportunity
Despite the positive measures taken by the government and private sector, the Cypriot economy is expected to contract by an alarming 8% in 2013, shrink by a further 3% in 2014 and return to growth only in 2015 or 2016. The key challenge now is for Cyprus to control government expenditure and to generate export of services and goods. The road ahead will be long and rocky, but there is reason for optimism with strong economic sectors such as professional services, tourism and shipping. The light at the end of the tunnel for Cyprus has been the discovery of vast hydrocarbons reserves in its Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ), which if fully exploited could see the reversal of Cyprus’ fortunes.

Energy is the new boom industry in Cyprus and the country has attracted worldwide attention and serious international investment. The country has begun developing strategies to exploit its new-found hydrocarbon wealth, following a ‘world class’ natural gas discovery by US-company Noble Energy in 2011. The reserves are currently estimated at around 7 trillion cubic feet (198 billion cubic metres) – enough to meet the domestic gas demand for around 100 years. There is increasing interest to invest in the energy sector and auxiliary services in Cyprus, presenting new opportunities for growth in the well-established legal, financial services and even construction sectors. Cyprus has already signed multi-million-euro agreements with an Italian and South Korean consortium, ENI/KOGAS, and with French energy giant Total to start natural gas exploration in its other EEZ blocks – and has plans to start building a new infrastructure to utilise natural gas locally. Cyprus is positioning itself to become a regional energy hub and the reserves could contribute to EU energy security.

Cyprus’ maritime sector continues to grow and the island is considered one of the most influential global hubs for ship owning and ship management services – boasting some of the world’s most influential names in shipping. Cyprus is the largest third party ship management centre in Europe and the largest crew management centre in the world, while the island’s international ship register is the third largest in Europe and the tenth largest in the world. This sector contributes over €1 billion to the economy annually, accounting for around 7% of GDP, and directly employs 4,000 shore-based personnel and 55,000 seafarers worldwide. Shipping is one of the success stories in Cyprus and has a fully EU-approved tax tonnage system in place. The overall operational and tax infrastructure for shipping in Cyprus has remained intact, despite current economic developments.

Tourism is expected to do exceptionally well this year. Cyprus saw a 10% increase in visitors in 2012 and projections for 2013 also expect increased numbers. In addition to the traditional ‘sun and sea’ package, Cyprus has been diversifying its tourism product with the development of luxury marinas and golf courses and niche markets such as cultural, conference and agro-tourism. Sports tourism alone generated around €20 million in 2011. Medical tourism is also on an upward trajectory thanks to the many excellent private hospitals and highly-trained medical professionals. Casinos are another new development, which could open up new investment opportunities and revenue streams of up to €50 million annually, according to the Cyprus Tourism Organisation.

The international business and professional services sector has proved remarkably resilient and has continued to grow throughout the international financial crisis. Following the bailout agreement, business leaders have shown optimism saying the impact on international business is not expected to be as significant as first projected. According to a number of accounting and legal firms, the majority of their foreign clients using Cyprus as a regional base or a gateway for investment have expressed confidence in the country as a regional business hub, stating they will continue their operations on the island. Cyprus is mostly used as a business and tax planning jurisdiction and not as an investment location, where foreign investors ‘park’ their funds as part of asset management strategies. While the international business centre is the single most important sector of the economy, it will face challenges and increased competition in core markets, but Cyprus’ strong track record and redoubled efforts to implement new incentives will help maintain and further develop this important sector.

Rolling out the Red Carpet
In addition to the positive outlook of these sectors, the government is implementing new measures to boost the economy. Tax-incentives, fast-tracking of permits for large projects and the relaxation of measures to encourage foreign direct investment into the country will certainly strengthen the economy. In the past, bureaucracy was a key source of frustration for the business community, but the many reforms being implemented today will create a more efficient Cyprus – supporting the efforts to secure a speedy recovery from this economic crisis.

The Cypriot resilience and entrepreneurial spirit has proven formidable throughout its history and despite the current challenges in the local economy, Cyprus presents many new and exciting opportunities. In a high value-added service economy, innovation is the key to survival and the silver lining of a crisis is the chance to restructure, rethink strategies and explore new opportunities. The road ahead will be challenging, but with the right decisions, investment and action Cyprus is hoping to come out of this crisis stronger than ever.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com

Wednesday 17 April 2013

DAY 80: Farewell Maggie

The funeral of Britain's most influential and controversial post-war Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, takes place today at St Paul's Cathedral in a ceremonial service with full military honours. More than two thousand guests from across the world are expected to attend to pay their respects to the country's first and only female leader.

As the city of London prepares to come to a standstill with military personnel and members of the public lining the streets to watch the procession route to the cathedral, another group of people are planning to turn their backs in protest against “Thatcherism” and what they see as a waste of public money on an unjustifiably grand funeral.

For most, Margaret Thatcher, or the “Iron Lady” as she was referred to by a Soviet journalist because of her uncompromising politics and leadership style, will be revered for modernising the British political system in the 1980s; her influence on the way in which British politics are conducted endures today.

Thatcher's prompt decision to send a task force to liberate the Falkland Islands from Argentine occupation was the highlight of her career. Because of her courage and the skill, bravery and sacrifice of Britain's armed forces – the liberty and future of the islands were secured.
In fact, in 1983, Margaret Thatcher was the first person to be granted the freedom of the Falkland Islands; she remains the only person to have ever been afforded that honour.

One should never forget the importance of the most obvious fact about Mrs. Thatcher – that she was Britain’s first woman Prime Minister. It made everything different.  It meant public interest was feverish, and public recognition was certain.  She stood out at once, without having to try, from all the suits around her.  All over the world people wanted to see what the first woman was wearing and how she looked. They wanted to hear her voice, find out about her family life, and learn where she shopped and what she cooked. Like corgis with the Queen or the cigar with Winston Churchill, the handbag became the trademark. In fact, it was much more important than those other totems, because it was also the symbol of her power – of female power.

But feelings remain heavily divided over the legacy of Britain’s first female leader.  A group of protesters in her home town of Grantham said they would remember Lady Thatcher for the pain caused by her economic policies, and how "good decent, hard-working people" were designated "the enemy within" during her time as Prime Minister.

Regardless of how disliked or embarrassing a person was in life, no matter how odd they were considered, or what crimes they had committed, the moment they leave this mortal coil, a nostalgia filter falls into place causing the deceased to be remembered as being better than they were, for the most part.
From beginning to end, she was simple-hearted. She gave her whole life for her country. We should thank her for that, even those who did not agree with her. She showed what a woman can do, especially when she stays close to the heart of England.

Farewell Maggie.

Weight for me tomorrow. Paul

Paul Lambis is the author of “Where is Home?” – A journey of hilarious contrasts. 
For more information on Paul Lambis, and to order his book online,
visit www.paul-lambis.com